Ok so here’s my epiphany for the day. This has been driving me nuts for a while now, and yesterday my dear friend Nancy Ikeler posted something on Facebook about single moms and the weight of the world on your shoulders. We commiserated a little bit, and I didn’t think another thing about it. Then just a few minutes ago, Chrissy walks into the kitchen, sighing and huffing and puffing. Finally says “Where the heck is all the toilet paper? I just bought toilet paper and now it’s all gone” Immediately I get a knot in my stomach, and over react, in my head, not out loud. Oh my goodness, I failed as a mother, a daughter, where did I go wrong to have run out of toilet paper? Now this is on the heels of going to the bottom of the driveway to meet Lori and get Skyler at 6 am, and listen to her long suffering sighs when I told her I had to use her car to take Mama to the doctor today. Then Chelsea comes down here and tells me I am not to let the doggies get hold of her new inflatable horsie from Tweetsie. Did you close the door to your bedroom? No, Skyler’s babysitting him today Mamaw, just you watch and make sure the dogs don’t chew him up. As I sit here writing, there were 3 more “have you seens? I’m hungrys” etc etc etc …
Oh law, well there’s some more responsibility for me today. Now, this 15 minutes worth of guilt over teensie weensie tiny things. Not anything that’s going to matter in hundred years, or change the course of history, yet here I sit feeling overwhelmed and the day hasn’t even started. The sun is shining for the first time in days, and there is a glimmer of hope, germinating in the back of my mind is the thought: Christy doesn’t have class after 10 today, she could take Mama down the mountain, and I could work uninterrupted all day long. But of course, my children know me way too well. ” You would be the most awesome mother in the world if you didn’t make me go down the mountain today” There we go, I’m saved now! I can attain awesome mama status. ZAP ! Guilt! Flush that idea right down the toilet… Without wiping, cause , well … we’re out of toilet paper. See ? It’s a full circle.
So … are we just born with the weight of the world? I actually cannot remember a time in my life when I didn’t feel that it was incumbent upon me to fix everything. How the heck did I wind up agreeing to babysit a toy? Not even my child’s, but my grandchild’s inflatable toy? And we wonder, as women, as single parents.. why the weight of the world is on our shoulders .
I’m going to go feed chickens and pigs, milk a cow, pet a dog or two. At least they don’t talk back.. much ..
Lots of love from the holler, Nancy and the Critters